Jon Stewart schools "Dallas dipsh*ts" who think Obama is invading Texas

"The U.S. government already controls Texas. Just borrow a textbook from a neighboring state — it’s all in there"

By Colin Gorenstein
Published May 5, 2015 6:57PM (EDT)
    (Comedy Central)
(Comedy Central)

Jon Stewart broke the number one rule of the Lone Star State last night and messed with Texas, ripping theories surrounding the Jade Helm 15 military exercises -- including, of course, the state governor's theory that the government was planning a "Texas Takeover."

"You know who's calling it 'Texas Takeover?'" Stewart  asked. "Lonestar Lunatics. Dallas Dipshits.  The United States government already controls Texas. Just borrow a textbook from a neighboring state — it’s all in there.”

Stewart went on to call Texas Gov. Greg Abbott (R) "adorable" for thinking the State Guard could take on the U.S. military: "It's like a little dog growling at a big dog, or an eight-year-old picking a fight with the Predator," he said.

Watch the clip below:


Colin Gorenstein

Colin Gorenstein is Salon's assistant editor of internet and viral content. Follow @colingorenstein or email cgorenstein@salon.com.

MORE FROM Colin Gorenstein


Related Topics ------------------------------------------

Jade Helm 15 Jon Stewart Texas The Daily Show Video