(Comedy Central)

Jon Stewart schools "Dallas dipsh*ts" who think Obama is invading Texas

"The U.S. government already controls Texas. Just borrow a textbook from a neighboring state — it’s all in there"


Colin Gorenstein
May 5, 2015 10:57PM (UTC)

Jon Stewart broke the number one rule of the Lone Star State last night and messed with Texas, ripping theories surrounding the Jade Helm 15 military exercises -- including, of course, the state governor's theory that the government was planning a "Texas Takeover."

"You know who's calling it 'Texas Takeover?'" Stewart  asked. "Lonestar Lunatics. Dallas Dipshits.  The United States government already controls Texas. Just borrow a textbook from a neighboring state — it’s all in there.”

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Stewart went on to call Texas Gov. Greg Abbott (R) "adorable" for thinking the State Guard could take on the U.S. military: "It's like a little dog growling at a big dog, or an eight-year-old picking a fight with the Predator," he said.

Watch the clip below:


Colin Gorenstein

Colin Gorenstein is Salon's assistant editor of internet and viral content. Follow @colingorenstein or email cgorenstein@salon.com.

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