9 ways to make anal sex more pleasurable

Go slow and remember that lube is your friend. Once you put your mind at ease, your sphincter will follow

Published July 27, 2015 10:58PM (EDT)

This article originally appeared on AlterNet.

AlterNet Anal sex can seem daunting, but in reality, it can be just as pleasurable as it is exciting, and as fun as it is liberating. There are plenty of reasons to experiment with it. It may take a few tries, but with great determination can come great reward. Here are nine ways to make anal sex more pleasurable.

1. It’s always best to come prepared.

The anus serves one primary purpose: to expel waste. But that’s not exactly something we want mixed in with sex play. To avoid embarrassing accidents, it’s best to do a little prep. Enemas can help get rid of most waste matter. Douches are another option. That responsibility falls on the receiving party. But doesn’t mean the maintenance stops there.

The tissue around the anus is delicate and can tear easily if not handled with care. So anal penetrators take note: short, smooth nails makes injury much less likely to come by. Take a minute and file down.

But accidents do happen, and should one occur it’s important to maintain a sense of humor about these things. As sex therapist Susan Block told me, “Sex should be comedy, not a tragedy.”

2. Relax, your butt is beautiful.

Embarrassment has no place in the bedroom. If you’re going to have anal sex, you’ve got to stomach the idea that someone will be looking at, touching, licking or penetrating your asshole. And while you may not consider it your most aesthetic attribute, I promise the person doing the penetrating will find that wrinkly little thing sexually compelling, hair and all. So breath. Relax. Once you put your mind at ease, your sphincter will follow.

3. Get turned on.

There are few things less appealing than the idea of putting something inside of yourself when not turned on. If you’re going to experiment with anal sex, it’s best to make sure you’re good and horny before doing so. If you’re ready to take it up the butt, you’re probably already familiar with what turns you on. But there are certain things we can do to help facilitate that process. Tongues can be especially useful.

Analingus has gotten a lot of attention as of late. And it’s about time. Whether you’re a man, woman or anything in between, having your ass licked feels good. The anus is full of nerve endings. Stimulating them can help intensify feelings of arousal, and get the blood rushing to all the right places.

Of course, not everyone is so adventurous when it comes to the butt, and some aren’t willing to take their tongues so far south. It’s in regards to this group that Block says, “I think [those partners] are not as great as a partner who will do that. I say if you’re going to go into the asshole with your penis you should be willing to send a scouting mission in with your tongue.”

4. Lube, lube, lots of lube.

The vagina provides natural lubrication when aroused. The butt is a different story. That’s why lube is key when this kind of play is involved. And despite what's depicted in porn, spit isn’t exactly the best option. Saliva doesn’t always provide enough moisture, and when it does, it can dry up fast. Most experts recommend a water-based lubricant. Apply generously. Your partner will thank you.

5. Start slow.

There are certain things we’re advised to approach with caution. Anal sex is one of them. Not all surprises are good ones, so if you’re thinking of taking it up the butt, ask your partner to go slow. A little warmup can go a long way. Fingers and toys can be especially useful in preparing the area for full penetration.

As Block notes, it’s important not to get too fixated on one place. She told me, “Some people get so focused on the butthole that they forget about the rest of the butt. It’s all connected," adding, "If you as the giver really want to relax [your partner], you should tenderize the entire butt in someway, and in the way your lover likes, whether it’s squeezing, or kissing or spanking.”

6. Find the right position.

Differences are meant to be celebrated. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for the next. When it comes to anal sex, finding the right position is key. Some prefer lying on their stomachs. Others like the spooning position. Being on top allows one to control the speed and depth of thrusting. The only way to find what works for you is to play around.

7. Use your muscles.

Anyone who has been on the receiving end of sex should know that simply lying there isn’t the best approach. As Block explained, “Sex is friction.” Anal sex is no different. She told me, “Tense up the sphincter muscle, and relax… You’ll find the relaxation opens you up more.”

And it’s not just about getting it in there. This kind of squeeze-and-release technique can feel really good for both parties during actual intercourse. But the first step is locating these muscles. Then you can figure out what to do with them.

8. A little green goes a long way.

If you’re not a pot smoker, skip this one. But sexual adventurers who fancy the occasional toke know how intensely smoking can enhance the experience. It’s also true that marijuana possesses some amazing pain-reducing powers, and this can come in handy when maneuvering large objects into tiny spaces. To put it simply, it helps you relax and feel good. Couple that with sex and arousal and it’s hard to go wrong.

9. Don’t forget about the rest.

There’s only one thing better than having an orgasm: having multiple orgasms. It’s easy to get fixated on the butt during anal sex, but remember, other orgasmic points are waiting around the corner. Don’t ignore them. Many women enjoy clitoral stimulation during anal sex. Others have reported reaching G-spot orgasm through pelvic muscle contractions during this kind of play. If you’re a guy, you’ve got a whole other set of genitalia to play with. Don’t leave them out of the party.

By Carrie Weisman

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