When it's announced that Coldplay is headlining the Super Bowl 50 halftime show, there are two acceptable courses of action:
1) Snowshoe to a remote cabin, play "Parachutes" on repeat, and spend a Norwegian winter line-editing your manifesto.
2) Hurry to Twitter to be among the first to tweet an "extra-long pee break" joke. (If you're reading this, it's too late.)
I rushed into what I thought would be a burning building and found an over-microwaved bag of popcorn; Twitter's response was far less apocalyptic than I'd expected. Most reactions were truer than they were funny:
There were some clear winners:
But, overall, morale and enthusiasm was way down:
Barring any much-needed guest appearances, gone are the days of nip-slips and Left Sharks. This year's halftime show will be just one more thing to endure besides McConaughey's six-minute Lincoln ads.