“Your Coldplay jokes are almost as bad as Coldplay”: Super Bowl 50’s halftime headliners prompt halfhearted yawns

When it’s announced that Coldplay is headlining the Super Bowl 50 halftime show, there are two acceptable courses of action:

1) Snowshoe to a remote cabin, play “Parachutes” on repeat, and spend a Norwegian winter line-editing your manifesto.

2) Hurry to Twitter to be among the first to tweet an “extra-long pee break” joke. (If you’re reading this, it’s too late.)

Thank you NFL for this built-in beer run. https://t.co/Y8EdJPIENN

— David Hinojosa (@hinojosa_david) December 3, 2015

I rushed into what I thought would be a burning building and found an over-microwaved bag of popcorn; Twitter’s response was far less apocalyptic than I’d expected. Most reactions were truer than they were funny:

Coldplay at the Super Bowl lmfao what is this 2003

— Jawn (@oZzYbAbY18) December 3, 2015

There were some clear winners:

You can’t spell “Coldplay is playing the Super Bowl Halftime Show” without “CTE"

— Larry Fitzmaurice (@lfitzmaurice) December 3, 2015

But, overall, morale and enthusiasm was way down:

Your Coldplay jokes are almost as bad as Coldplay should I kill myself

— Olivia Nuzzi (@Olivianuzzi) December 3, 2015

Barring any much-needed guest appearances, gone are the days of nip-slips and Left Sharks. This year’s halftime show will be just one more thing to endure besides McConaughey’s six-minute Lincoln ads.