Oh man, the Republicans are really going to nominate one of these people to be president:
Remember, if tonight's #GOPDebate is great for twitter assholes like me, it's scary for the country. Okay, enjoy!
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
Fuck this is just depressing. I'm trying to be funny but I'm sad and exhausted by all of this. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
Alan Simpson is watching this, saying the Internet really is a series of tubes:
"We should be able to penetrate the internet. "The Internet' is my Thai cleaning woman's nickname." #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
When the best punchline is the truth:
What?! Jesus, Carly, those generals were retired 'cuz they SUCKED. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
Also, Chris Christie will be doing this right after the debate:
"I'm from Jersey, you know. I'd shin-kick Putin and then jerk off to Darkness on the Edge of Town." #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
"Wrap your legs 'round these marbled hams/And strap your hands 'cross my man-tits." — Chris Christie #GOPDebate #closingstatements
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
When Dr. Seuss knows as much as Dr. Kissinger:
"What would you do about Kim Jun Un/Would you send him to Mars?/To the sun?/To the moon?" #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
"I'd tell Kim Jun Un/Not to use that big bomb!/Not in May/Or in June!/Not later!/Not soon!" #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
Also in little-known quotes from Roosevelt’s grandfather:
FDR's grandfather also said, "Ya can't jew down the price of potatoes with pretty-talk," probably. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
Jeb!
Wolf: "Question for Governor Bush."
Jeb: *groan* #GOPDebate— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
"America is under attack, our economy is underwater, and one of my pockets has a caramel! Can you guess which one?" — Jeb #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
When Jeb said "rogue actor" we all thought of Randy Quaid, right? Not just me? #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
"You thought my brother was the 'Fredo'? I'm the Fredo's dingleberries." — Jeb Bush #GOPDebate #closingstatements
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
Jeb! You're not! Going to be! President! #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
Ted Cruz stares down the social-justice warriors:
Hey idiots, I hate PC too but is has ZERO EFFECT on ANYTHING. Easily batted aside. Stop it. #GOPDebate
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
And in conclusion…
My #GOPDebate summary: HELP US @SenSanders.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 16, 2015
