Conservative columnist George Will on Tuesday body-slammed GOP frontrunner Donald Trump in an essay for the Hartford Courant. And though Will's critique can be added to the pile of too-little-too-late efforts to stop the neo-fascist from steamrolling Super Tuesday, it's actually quite funny.
Likening Trump's "distinctive rhetorical style" to "a drunk with a bullhorn reading aloud James Joyce's 'Finnegans Wake' under water," Will goes on to call Donald a "thin-skinned tough guy," who "resembles a campus crybaby who has wandered out of his 'safe space'" -- the ultimate conservative chirp.
And, "(l)ike all bullies," Will adds, "Trump is a coward, and like all those who feel the need to boast about being strong and tough, he is neither."
Citing Trump's purported plan to "loosen up those libel laws" to easier sue the pants off publications whose reporting doesn't meet his standards of niceness, Will claims Trump "has neither respect for nor knowledge of the Constitution." A claim bolstered by Trump's weirdly inept (even for Trump) understanding of the judicial process during last's week's debate:
"Trump, during the Houston debate, said that his sister, a federal judge, 'signed a certain bill' and that Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito also 'signed that bill.' So, the leading Republican candidate, the breadth of whose ignorance is the eighth wonder of the world, actually thinks that judges 'sign bills.' Trump is a presidential aspirant who would flunk an eighth-grade civics exam."
But as awesome as that last line was, I have to take exception: I went to public school and yet distinctly remember watching "Schoolhouse Rock: How a Bill Becomes a Law" on VHS every time my fifth-grade teacher took a mental health day.
Read the conservative intellectual equivalent of a Kanye West Twitter rant over at the Hartford Courant's website.