Stephen Colbert mocks sad hostage Chris Christie: "Like the best man at a wedding he never believed in"

Every candidate -- except Hillary -- gets a lashing on the "Late Show"

Published March 3, 2016 3:29PM (EST)

"Late Show" host Stephen Colbert, in a post-Super Tuesday edition of "Road to the White House," made sure every candidate (not named Hillary) got a fair and thorough roasting last night.

Short shrift was given to the race between She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Roasted and "the Senator from the great state of your liberal friend's Facebook feed," Bernie Sanders, because, frankly, there isn't as much material there.

On the other side of the aisle, however, "Donald Trump might have the nomination in the palm of his tiny, wet, pink hand." Trump proclaimed victory at the Mar-a-Lago Club in Palm Beach, Florida (a state whose primary takes place two weeks after Super Tuesday, mind you), after a sullen introduction from Chris Christie, who, Colbert said, "sound(ed) like the best man at a wedding he never believed in."

And in the race to be "the final candidate to pass through Donald Trump's digestive tract," Ted Cruz won "Texas, Diet Texas (Oklahoma), and Snow Texas (Alaska)."

Kasich, meanwhile, still has a "clear path to the presidency," Colbert said, "just take the White House tour, sneak into the Oval Office, lock the door and claim squatter's rights."

Watch the full segment below:

By Brendan Gauthier

Brendan Gauthier is a freelance writer.

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Bernie Sanders Donald Trump John Kasich Late Show With Stephen Colbert Marco Rubio Ted Cruz