Before GOP nominee Donald Trump's daughter Ivanka graced the stage as the penultimate speaker at the Republican National Convention on Thursday, attendees were forced to sit through a not-brief-enough video bio about the party's nominee.
The video, narrated by Jon Voight, brought to a screeching, campy halt any momentum garnered by tech mogul Peter Theil and Rebuild America Now super PAC chair Tom Barrack — who each gave independently noteworthy speeches.
Trump, according to the narrative, "learned about leadership early, at the New York Military Academy" — which he was sent to for disciplinary reasons — "where he was captain of the baseball team."
"After college," it claimed, "Donald faced a decision — join his father in Queens, or dream big and make it in the biggest city in the world." That "city," it should be noted, is the borough of Manhattan, and not Atlantic City. "The decision was easy."
Yada yada yada, Trump rebuilds midtown with his bare hands, founds the Trump Organization, and "created tens of thousands of new jobs, many of them for women."
One such woman interviewed — and not at all reduced to a token — was Suzie Mills, general manager of Trump International Hotel & Tower, who said that when Trump gave her the job nine years ago, "there were only three female general managers at five-star hotels in the whole of North America."
"Donald could have continued his successful career and spent more time with his family," narrator-Voight went on. "But instead he chose to run for president."
"He doesn't need to do this," chimed in Trump's literal and figurative middle-child Eric. "But what's been happening over the last eight years has been so tragic for the course of our nation, he simply had to do this."