Sign language: Horoscopes for people oblivious to astrology

Whatever your sign and whatever the stars hold, you're covered with these readings from The Ivy League Psychic

Published October 1, 2016 1:29PM (EDT)

 (<a href=''>l i g h t p o e t</a> via <a href=''>Shutterstock</a>)
(l i g h t p o e t via Shutterstock)


Aries  (March 20 – April 19)

Following your honor mission of inspiring others, the luster now is beginning to fade, and you yawn, but just in time Mr. Jupiter swoops in to save the day (and maybe your life), pouring his kind luck all over your waiting relationships — returning you to your brave new world of strange creatures who love you, who miss you, who have treasured your foibles for years, and also introducing you, on the most golden of platters, to new lovers, new alliances, new agents, new artistic collaborators. The agreements you make this week, and the contracts you don’t break, will set you up for your lifetime. More delicious yet, your sexy ruler Mars slides his sizzle into your walk. And your friends are ecstatic to celebrate you, the mothership of all inspirations.   

Taurus  (April 20 – May 21)

Recent domestic changes bring forth fruit like you would not believe. You’ve got this, Taurus, you really do. An ambition you’ve nursed forever will finally be fulfilled. Your week opens on the heels of a new moon, perfect for hiring the new help you need for failing family members, including furry ones. Love is bubbling and your true profession woos you from a distance — which you will travel soon. But this time you will not let the disturbing people disturb you. You’re in a learning curve for this until December 2017, but you, like the beloved princess, break free. Let the divas scream. While you, in all your learned wisdom, steal the show. Bravo.

Gemini  (May 22 – June 21)

Despite your penchant for worry, this week whisks you off to new romance in play land — where worry is not allowed. All the planetary jazz is now in your freaky fun house, urging you to be creative, be social, entertain and maybe even gamble on a lark. You’re ready for a release from pressure, and you’re ready now. Snap, and you’re here! Just be careful not to snap at partners too, nor to get mad at a contract which is taking its own sweet time to deliver. Relationships are hard, don’t you know? Past ones have taught you how to be steady and patient. Right?   

Cancer  (June 22 – July 22)

Has anyone been commenting on how much louder you sound? That’s swashbuckling Mars stirring it in your opposite sign of Capricorn. Battles with partners round out the week, particularly over domestic chores. Perhaps wounded by a loved one, you retreat to your computer to communicate, daydreaming in your shell. Venus in your romance sector has you lusting for a beautiful idea. I’m as disappointed as you that’s what it is, but better safe than sorry. Physician, heal thyself. You do need to watch your health; things keep happening to your body, and there’s a reason. Home brings protection, love and even profit, and now with a second one your fresh vision and renovation is taking hold. You will come out of this inspired!

Leo  (July 23 – August 22)

Your super psychic antennae feel out a new neighborhood … and pull in perhaps a new neighbor as well. Your gorgeous communications attract admirers, which allows you to heal from a love bump. Invincible you needs this to get better and break and cry occasionally and do this for yourself, if only temporarily. Taste your hungers, follow them where they lead you and reserve judgment of them. Kids are demanding now, as is your own inner infant. Put on your mask first, and everyone else will be fine. Work ideas come bright and fast, especially brilliant for their links with different continents. Great profits are made of these. Who is he to disagree? Stop listening to the old critical geezer in your life. He has way outlived his shelf life.     

Virgo  (August 23 – September 22)

The night boils with the stars of your disappointment -- but you are going to get rich this year! Doing the right thing is -- always the right thing. About your home: Your obsession to detail and nitpicking calculations prove perfect, and now can you please relax and go away? Maybe not, as grumpy Saturn continues to be a pain in your property and family home sector for quite a while. Older Virgos benefit more from Saturn transits than younger Virgos because Saturn rules time (chronos in ancient Greek, from which chronology comes). Only in astrology, the more time / years you have, the better. So sashay yours, and enjoy it with a pickle. Give love a chance. For it certainly has given you a chance. Many of them if we’re being nitpicky about it.

Libra  (September 23 – October 22)

You’ve worn your survival like an old coat, and it’s time to return to your happier heritage. All year your friend Jupiter wants to shower you with luck, noble position, powerful helpers, and you’re still behaving like a bereaved mother. Unable to let go of the pain you’ve been carrying in your body for so long. Let it go now and ring in your riches like a new year. This is a huge time for you, and hard-earned. Managing stress is key and will mean your success or failure. This week is the hugest week of the huge year, but don’t quit, do breathe, stay gracious, and after this week it gets marvelous. I promise you. The carousel waits, Libra, it waits for you.

Scorpio  (October 23 – November 22)

Now that your undergod Pluto is direct you’re going to be fine, ha ha. The reins are in your hands again and you’re driving forward. Away from others’ dramas, yes! Torn between taking private time and flaunting your public juices (Venus in Scorpio makes you fairest of us all until Oct. 18), I see you choosing to retreat. You are tired, and you need to rest. No longer repressing your wishes, you now demand what’s owed to you. The money will come but there’s a delay. While you wait, curb your tongue, channel yourself into a creative form, tell angry fairy tales, bargain for better work conditions, sleep, heal, and recover all missing parts of you. You can do that by tomorrow, right?         

Sagittarius  (November 23 – December 21)

Saturn in the 1st is designed to bring you to your knees. If you do not respect the wise lord’s authority, then heaven help you. This year you may prove yourself and share your brilliance with all. But you cannot be proud, for it will pump in your bloodstream like poison. You are the kindest of the innocents, for better or worse. Money is back to its topsy-tipsy curving, which feels unfair, but you get a wonderful break after Venus moves into your sign Oct. 18. A recent peace has you ready for more smoothness in your smoothie, and you are impatient for the prizes you deserve. Beautiful new opportunities come through meeting beautiful new people in your chosen field, so open up and let them in.

Capricorn  (December 22 – January 20)

Your family home is quite suddenly settled by Oct. 16, and all you can do is feel relief. Victory is yours, small and quiet and rightful, and it comes in like an afterthought, laid at your door. There was nothing you could do to make it go faster or slower (know you did everything correctly). My favorite news for you is that sexy Mars is now in your sign — it entered when you’d given up, on Sept. 27 — and makes you a siren for all of October. Besides the obvious, this opens fabulous doors for you, both professionally and personally. What did you do to make this happen? Again, nothing. I would suggest there is a moral of the story here. One of those lovely lessons karma likes to dangle in front of you sometimes: How much can you live without control?

Aquarius  (January 21 – February 19)

You are Queen and King of Priorities this October as you look around your life and decide what goes, what stays. A sense of deep mourning as people you know must be left behind. But you are ready. Money and travel are your best friends now and you wish you could. But there’s always that sense of hidden enemies about to strike, a feeling that was born when you were only a lizard brain. Your psyche begins a particularly challenging journey now as you attempt to rid it of ancient demons. Can you do it? Of course you can. You continue to strike great financial deals all year, so it’s not like you’re penniless. You just wish you could obsess less! Foreign countries and foreign people beckon. Come here, they coo, come to us. Do you resist or do you go?

Pisces  (February 20 – March 19)

You’ve come to the end of something. It feels like a death. But of course it is your own hard birth. Let’s save you 20 more years of this. How many times do you have to redefine your career, who you are, and what you do? Career continues to be a struggle, even though you are very successful. (You never believe you are.) You still struggle to give a simple name to what you do. Difficult because what you do looks pretty much like magic, but you don’t want to say that. You’re always striving to be thought of as rational because, god help you, you are a fish. You won’t have to wait long for more money, fame and success to come in. No more worry about being understood. That’s your cross to bear. Truth be told, you’d feel naked without it.

By Madalyn Aslan

Ivy League psychic Madalyn Aslan is the best-selling author of What’s Your Sign? and Madalyn Aslan’s Jupiter Signs. Visit her site for your extended horoscope.

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