“I’m going to say something right now that I did not think was possible anymore: I am shocked by something Donald Trump said,” Colbert said to start his show. “I thought by now, after five months of this, that my soul had calcified into a crouton. Not true.”
“First of all, someone bleeding badly at your door and you say, 'No?'” he continued. “It sounds like your health-care plan. I mean, turning them away from your hotel during the middle of winter is literally the story of Christmas, only there wasn’t a wise man in sight.”
Trump's tweets ignited universal outrage Thursday, as even Republican congressmen were forced to denounce the needless bullying. Colbert noted that some people were calling this a "new low" for Trump. But the late-night host didn't see it that way.
“This is shocking and vicious, so, on brand,” Colbert said. "It’s the same low. We’re at a cruising altitude of, like, the bottom of the Marianas Trench right now. There are giant squid looking down at America right now.”
Sen. Lindsey Graham provided one of the strongest public rebukes against the president, arguing that Trump's attacks were everything that is wrong in politics. But Colbert wasn't necessarily buying that, either.
“Hold it right there, Lindsey,” Colbert said after read the South Carolina senator's tweet. “This is not what’s wrong with American politics. O.K.? You don’t see Paul Ryan throwing shade at Chuck Schumer over his eye job, O.K.? This is what’s wrong with the American president. Let’s stop pretending that Trump is a symptom of something. He is the disease. And the only cure is three and a half years of liquor and bed rest.”