On Sunday, baseball fan, aspiring sports talk radio host, beach bum, unsuccessful Donald Trump transition team leader and failing New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, went to Milwaukee to watch a baseball game — where his son works for the Brewers.
Instead of simply enjoying a tranquil day at the park, Christie got into a verbal argument with a Cubs fan.
Here's how Brad Joseph, the man being berated by the failed presidential candidate and a goddamn American hero, described the altercation to WISN-TV:
When he initially was going up the stairs I yelled his name. He was already quite a bit past me, and 30 feet away I yelled his name and told him that he sucked . . . I called him a hypocrite because I thought it needed to be said. He then turned around and walked all the way back towards me and got up in my face for what seemed like a long time, but was probably only about 30 seconds or a minute.
Joseph added that he spoke up because Christie "is a public official and this is America and I think we have the right to say what you believe as long as it’s not crude or profane."
If simply looking at the image of a sitting governor going nose-to-nose with a citizen of another state (during a demonstration of America's pastime, of all thing) doesn't impart just how amazing Christie's interaction was, here are some other things to consider.
New Jersey's governor had perhaps the most New Jersey reaction to being heckled ever
Recently, Chris Christie hasn't been great at comebacks. And part of it may be due to the fact that he's been constantly humiliated on the national stage. The man who thoroughly embarrassed Sen. Marco Rubio during a 2016 presidential debate has been unable to show any sort of wit recently. When guest hosting a sports radio show, he responded to "Mike from Montclair," who told him to "put your fat ass in a car and go to [a beach] that's open to all your constituents," with a weak dig about him being a communist.
But on Sunday, Christie had a shot at redemption. Another heckler. His time to shine. But instead of a snappy comeback — or better yet, ignoring him — Christie turned into a lead character from the nearly decade-old show "Jersey Shore." Here's Joseph describing the incident, again:
Joseph said the former presidential candidate made contact with him with his knee and asked if he wanted to "do something" and "start something."
Maybe we've been thinking about Christie's wit all wrong. Maybe the Christie we saw on stage last year isn't the measure of the man. Maybe the real Christie is the one who can only respond to reporters with, "Are you stupid?" Or, to quote him completely out of context, "You must be the thinnest skinned guy in America."
All bluster, no action
If indeed Christie was daring Joseph to "do something" or "start something," how the hell was he supposed to react to any physical altercation — no matter whom it was started by — while cradling a plate of nachos? It seemed that Christie's partner at the game was his son. Does he not trust his progeny to hold his nachos while he threatened someone?
He missed a goddamn home run because he couldn't stand being heckled
So, while the governor of New Jersey was trying to enjoy a ballgame in a state he couldn't even last long enough in 2016 to compete in, he mostly missed a home run by Chicago Cubs catcher Victor Caratini, the player's first career dinger. All this because someone called him a hypocrite.
Chris Christie should maybe reconsider going to sporting events
Here's an incomplete list of things that have happened to Chris Christie at sporting events over the past two years:
A longtime fan of the Dallas Cowboys, the New Jersey governor was seen in 2015 in Texas, where he was seen schmoozing with the Cowboys' owner in his private box. The two shared an awkward celebratory hug when the Cowboys won a playoff game in 2015. The Dallas Cowboys are in the same division as the New York Giants — a hated rival that plays their home games in New Jersey.
Speaking of home games, Christie is able to go to football games and sit in a private box because he is the governor of the state. During two football seasons, 2010 and 2011, he spent more than $82,000 in "food and alcohol."
Last year, Christie went viral for eating M&Ms while attending the NCAA basketball tournament. The governor took heat for taking a bag of the small candies out of the box in which they came, and pouring the contents back into the box.
Just last month, Christie was booed by Mets fans — his compatriots in suffering — after he impressively grabbed a foul ball that landed right next to him.
Those sky boxes aren't looking so bad.