Jimmy Kimmel goes below the belt on Ted Cruz's Twitter problem

The Texas senator's tech problems provide low-hanging fruit for late-night comedians


Taylor Link
September 13, 2017 1:00PM (UTC)

After Ted Cruz’s Twitter account briefly liked a pornographic tweet, the Texas senator has himself burst into the late-night spotlight. "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" and "The Daily Show" greeted him in the late-night octagon Tuesday night, brutally roasting the family-values politician from Texas.

"He's a family values guy," Jimmy Kimmel said to lead off his monologue. "Just think, if he did this during the campaign, he'd probably be the president right now."

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Kimmel presented four theories as to why Cruz's Twitter handle would have "liked" the clip. Either someone on his staff was browsing Twitter and accidentally liked it; his account was hacked; his wife walked in while he was watching the video and clicked like while trying to close it; the most likely, theory:

Ted lost the presidential election. He's been bullied by Trump; he didn't get a Cabinet position. He's tired of being the uptight religious guy. So he said, 'Screw it. I watch porn in public now.'

Kimmel then delivered a below-the-belt joke that exonerated Cruz of any wrongdoing.

"I really honestly don't think it was Ted Cruz," Kimmel said. "I don't think Ted Cruz looks at porn. Ted Cruz masturbates to pictures of poor people without healthcare."

Trevor Noah started his monologue Tuesday talking about the big news in the tech world. He wasn't referring to Apple's new iPhone X, however.

"Of course Ted Cruz would search for porn by typing 'sexual posts,'" Noah said with glee. "That is the most generic, lame way to search for porn."

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Then Noah himself offered a theory as to how this blessed moment could have ever happened.

"Here's the thing though: Everyone is freaking out about this, saying it is a scandal all because a politician may have watched porn," Noah said. "But here's the thing: Everyone watches porn; it is part of being a human being, which is exactly why we know Ted Cruz didn't do it. He's pretending to like porn in order to blend in with the rest of the human species."


Taylor Link

Taylor Link is an assistant editor at Salon. You can find him on Twitter at @taylorlink_

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Related Topics ------------------------------------------

Comedy Jimmy Kimmel Late-night Porn Sex Ted Cruz Trevor Noah

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