I've tried anal sex but the pain is intense. Am I normal?: Best Sex Ever has advice

Is it possible my body isn't physically designed to be able to comfortably experience it? A reader asks Arielle

By Arielle Egozi

Published April 18, 2019 4:59PM (EDT)

 (Getty/Salon)
(Getty/Salon)

Best Sex Ever is Salon's advice column on sex, love and relationships. Questions? Send them to Arielle@Salon.com

Dear Arielle,

Is it possible that my body is physically designed to not be able to comfortably experience anal sex? I’ve had 2 wonderful partners I’ve tried to engage in anal sex with, but the pain was so extreme with each partner every time, it literally felt like something was definitely going to tear/rip. With both partners we engaged in very thorough foreplay that included anal play - orally, with fingers, and smaller plugs. I was able to very much enjoy that, although sometimes intense. However even with prior play, lots of lubricant, and both my partner and I being VERY much in the mood for it, when they enter, the pain is so beyond what I can tolerate.. and I had kidney stones when 8 months pregnant and an epidural that didn’t work during pregnancy, so I feel I can handle some pain! Is it possible my body is shaped differently that I can’t handle anything too big without ripping, or hurting beyond any sense of pleasure?

Hi Butt Stuf...

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Arielle Egozi

Arielle Egozi is a writer, speaker, and Instagrammer (@ladysavaj) who gets asked a lot about sex, periods and social justice. She's the co-founder of Bread, a data-fueled creative lab bringing diverse representation to advertising.

MORE FROM Arielle Egozi

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