Do we need a gender-neutral beer?

Carlsberg introduces a sleek new line of brew to appeal to both sexes -- because regular beer was just too manly?

Topics: Beer, Advertising, Gender, Television,

Do we need a gender-neutral beer?Carlsberg Copenhagen: a beer that won't get your panties in a bunch.

Everyone knows that men drink beer for its fine texture, its smooth, deep complexion, and a third thing. Meanwhile, us women drink beer when the bottle matches our dresses and brings out our eyes, or when they run out of kamikaze shots at the sports bar we’re sitting in, trying to meet men.

That was actually supposed to be a joke, but then I read the thought process that went into designing the new Carlsberg Copenhagen, a beer designed to appeal to both men and the little ladies:

“We can see that there are a number of consumers, especially women, who are very aware of design when they choose beverage products,” Jeanette Elgaard Carlsson, international innovation director at Carlsberg, says on the brewer’s website. “There may be situations where they are standing in a bar and want their drinks to match their style. In this case, they may well reject a beer if the design does not appeal to them.”

Strangely, Carlsberg designers forgot the most important part when creating a beer for the fairer sex, which is that it must have zero calories and taste like carbonated strawberries.

To get both men and women on board, the Denmark company created a drink that looks half like a Corona (currently the only beer enjoyed by by women, besides Miller High Life), and half like something fancy you’d drink in Europe. (Women love Europe!) Then throw a bunch of vague adjectives that men think make the beer sound “sexy,” and women will think applies to them while drinking the beer. Voila! Gender neutral suds!

See, ladies, in this scenario, you are what you drink. Easy to embrace. A natural beauty that needs no makeup. Blond is the new black (sorry, brunettes!). This beer is speaking to your style, girlfriends!

Guys, you can continue to drink whatever is cheapest or tastes best.

Drew Grant is a staff writer for Salon. Follow her on Twitter at @videodrew.

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