How do I fall in love?

I'm with her and I like her but I'm shy and don't know really what I'm feeling

Topics: Emotion, Shyness, Introversion, Love, relationships, Travel, Since You Asked, Love and Sex, Innkeepers,

How do I fall in love? (Credit: Zach Trenholm/Salon)

Dear Cary,

I’m a 31-year-old man with a very childish mind regarding the world and women.

I’ve been into a relationship with a nice girl for six months now, and while I’m attracted to her by her personality and physical attributes, it bugs me that I’m not falling in love with her.

We work at the same place and get along very well. I enjoy chatting and talking to her, going out to public places, and having more private encounters.

I must confess this is my first relationship. I’m extremely shy and it took great courage to start talking to her. Since then we’ve been getting along well, but we’ve also been separated twice — mainly because I started freaking out.

She seems very much into this, and I’d like to correspond but I don’t know why I can’t. Right now, I feel like a liar, but when we were separated I felt miserable and empty.

I owe her a lot, but I’m saddened because she’s not after anything else than my affection and I seem to be unable to really fall for her. I just want her to be successful and happy, and safe from any harm.

You Might Also Like

Shall I continue with the relationship? Is it good enough if she feels loved? What if I am feeling love but I don’t know it?

I need your advice, Cary.

Not Really a Person

Dear Not Really a Person,

Slow down.  She likes you.

Stay with her for two years. If after two years it doesn’t feel right, tell her you have to go on a vacation by yourself. Go to a seaside resort. Get a room with a view of the ocean. Sit on the floor and pray. Ask what you should do next. Keep sitting there. Have a pitcher of water at your side. When you become thirsty, pour some water. Pour some water on your hands. Wait for the water to slowly evaporate. Listen to the sound of the sea. If there is a book you have brought with you, sit in a chair and read the book. Eat your meals alone. Go to the sea at sunset and walk for a long time. Don’t make phone calls. Go to bed early and get up early. Write down your dreams if you remember them. Be polite to the people who run the inn. Tip generously but consistently. Don’t shop for knickknacks. On the third day in the inn, write this girl a letter. Tell her how you are feeling and what your life is like. Talk about the future, how it could be. Tell her everything you want to tell her. Tell her everything you are thinking and feeling. Then put it in an envelope.

Think about sending it.

Send it.

Tell the innkeeper you would like to stay a few more days. Tell the people at work that you need a few more days. Find a place where you can exercise. Or if there is no place like that then just run until you are exhausted. Lift heavy things. Swim as far as you can. Do push-ups. Eat a good meal. Bathe well. Go to sleep early. Stay in the inn until you are truly ready to leave or until circumstances dictate that you must. When you come back and she asks you how your trip was, tell her it was very good. Tell her about the inn. Ask her if she would like to go there with you sometime. Ask her if she has vacation time. If she has vacation time, take out your calendars and mark them with the dates that you will go to the inn. When those dates come, go to the inn together. Greet the innkeeper with familiarity but reserve. Tip the innkeeper. Go to your room.

Open the windows and look out at the sea together.

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • 1 of 11
  • Close
  • Fullscreen
  • Thumbnails
    Martyna Blaszczyk/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 1

    Pond de l'Archeveche - hundreds thousands of padlocks locked to a bridge by random couples, as a symbol of their eternal love. After another iconic Pont des Arts bridge was cleared of the padlocks in 2010 (as a safety measure), people started to place their love symbols on this one. Today both of the bridges are full of love locks again.

    Anders Andersson/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 2

    A bird's view of tulip fields near Voorhout in the Netherlands, photographed with a drone in April 2015.

    Aashit Desai/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 3

    Angalamman Festival is celebrated every year in a small town called Kaveripattinam in Tamil Nadu. Devotees, numbering in tens of thousands, converge in this town the day after Maha Shivratri to worship the deity Angalamman, meaning 'The Guardian God'. During the festival some of the worshippers paint their faces that personifies Goddess Kali. Other indulge in the ritual of piercing iron rods throughout their cheeks.

    Allan Gichigi/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 4

    Kit Mikai is a natural rock formation about 40m high found in Western Kenya. She goes up the rocks regularly to meditate. Kit Mikai, Kenya

    Chris Ludlow/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 5

    On a weekend trip to buffalo from Toronto we made a pit stop at Niagara Falls on the Canadian side. I took this shot with my nexus 5 smartphone. I was randomly shooting the falls themselves from different viewpoints when I happened to get a pretty lucky and interesting shot of this lone seagull on patrol over the falls. I didn't even realize I had captured it in the shot until I went back through the photos a few days later

    Jassen T./National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 6

    Incredibly beautiful and extremely remote. Koehn Lake, Mojave Desert, California. Aerial Image.

    Howard Singleton/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 7

    Lucky timing! The oxpecker was originally sitting on hippo's head. I could see the hippo was going into a huge yawn (threat display?) and the oxpecker had to vacate it's perch. When I snapped the pic, the oxpecker appeared on the verge of being inhaled and was perfectly positioned between the massive gaping jaws of the hippo. The oxpecker also appears to be screeching in terror and back-pedaling to avoid being a snack!

    Abrar Mohsin/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 8

    The Yetis of Nepal - The Aghoris as they are called are marked by colorful body paint and clothes

    Madeline Crowley/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 9

    Taken from a zodiac raft on a painfully cold, rainy day

    Ian Bird/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 10

    This wave is situated right near the CBD of Sydney. Some describe it as the most dangerous wave in Australia, due to it breaking on barnacle covered rocks only a few feet deep and only ten metres from the cliff face. If you fall off you could find yourself in a life and death situation. This photo was taken 300 feet directly above the wave from a helicopter, just as the surfer is pulling into the lip of the barrel.

  • Recent Slide Shows

Comments

0 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>