Ben’s right: Marriage is work. That’s not necessarily a bad thing
The Oscar winner's raw, awkward thank-you to his wife gave us a glimpse into the reality of married life
Topics: Argo, Ben Affleck, 2013 oscars, Jennifer Garner, Marriage, relationships, Love, 2013 Awards, 2013 Awards Season, Oscars News, Entertainment News
When Ben Affleck picked up the Oscar Sunday night for “Argo,” the actor/producer/director/Jimmy Kimmel love slave turned those boring last minutes of the broadcast into a memorably strange statement about marriage. As he looked out at his beautiful wife, Jennifer Garner, he told her – and the world – “I want to thank my wife, who I don’t normally associate with Iran. I want to thank you for working on our marriage for 10 Christmases. It’s good. It is work, but it’s the best kind of work, and there’s no one I’d rather work with.” And if nothing else had happened the entire broadcast, it would have been worth it for the pinched, “Honey, whaaaaaa?” smile on Garner’s face as he said that.
In the midst of the usual Oscar night big ups to co-stars and writers, Affleck’s speech felt ill-timed and uncomfortably intimate. As Kate Aurthur summed it up, “There are different ways to thank a spouse that aren’t ‘thank you’ for ‘working on our marriage.’ So I have heard.” That’s likely why OK! Magazine this week expanded on Affleck’s remarks, quoting him as saying that audiences have read too much tension into the speech. “All relationships, to a certain extent, require your work,” he said. “We work on it together, we try our best, nobody’s perfect … She’s more perfect than I am.” Nice save there, Boston.
What Affleck did in that short speech — and the reason it was so surprising – is that he tore the veil off the perpetually sunny image we tend to carry around of everybody else’s couplehood. Unless the cops are getting called regularly for domestic disturbances, there’s an assumption of tranquil ease around other people’s relationships. Look at those two, in their Facebook album from their vacation, we think. They seem to really have it figured out! Meanwhile, in your own home, you’re wondering if pubes in the drain is grounds for divorce.
Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedub. More Mary Elizabeth Williams.




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