SALON

Friday, Mar 29, 2013 2:58 PM UTC

The best and worst apologies of the week

Don Young, Matt Lauer, Rick Ross, David Petraeus -- it has been a week of sorry apologies and mansplaining

By

Topics: Trayvon Martin, rick ross, Matt Lauer, David Patraeus, Piers Morgan, George Zimmerman, Doug Gottlieb, Don Young,

The best and worst apologies of the week

It has been one sorry excuse for a week. Each new day has brought with it a fresh batch of bad behavior and questionable decision making, and with it, apologies of highly variable quality. If you’re looking for object lessons in what not to say – and how to get it right – behold our rogue’s gallery of March mad men.

Let’s start with our gold medalist in the field of ineffectual apologies – Rick Ross. Ross has come under fire for his part on Rocko’s “Gift of Gab” mixtape, specifically the track “U.O.E.N.O.” As activist journalist Rosa Clemente pointed out, “U.O.E.N.O.” contains Ross’ “problematic” line, “Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it/ I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it.” “Molly,” by the way, is what the young folk call Ecstasy.

Faced with being called out for glorifying the practice of drugging and raping women, Ross took to New Orleans radio station Q 93.3 to mansplain himself. “I would never use the term ‘rape’ in my records and as far as my camp,” he said. “Hip-hop don’t condone that, the streets don’t condone that, nobody condones that. So I just wanted to reach out to all my queens that’s on my timeline, all the sexy ladies, the beautiful ladies that have been reaching out to me with the misunderstanding: We don’t condone rape, and I’m not with that.” And Ross emphatically stated, “I want to make sure this is clear, that woman is the most precious gift known to man. It was a misunderstanding with a lyric, a misinterpretation where the term rape wasn’t used.”

While it’s commendable that Ross has taken the brave stance that he doesn’t condone rape, he never explained what the “misunderstanding” about putting something in a woman’s drink and then taking her home and “enjoying” her without her knowledge or consent might be. And when you’re trying to prove how enlightened and sensitive you are, it’s not the best moment to patronizingly sing the praises of the sexy, beautiful ladies. Thanks for the attempt, Ross, but moving forward, here’s a tip: Women were not put on this earth to be a precious gift to men. Maybe when you can see them as something other than shiny presents placed here for your edification, we won’t have these little misunderstandings.

Taking a seat next to Ross on the “needs improvement” bench, there’s Alaska congressman Don Young, who on Thursday reminisced about the good old days on a local radio station by recalling, “My father had a ranch; we used to have 50 – 60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes.” Later in the day, after someone living in the 21st century apparently clued in the Republican lawmaker that “wetback” is no longer interchangeable for “Mexican immigrant,” Young stated, “I used a term that was commonly used during my days growing up on a farm in Central California. I know that this term is not used in the same way nowadays, and I meant no disrespect.” Nowhere in there does he get that it’s offensive. That it’s inherently insulting and always has been. Instead, he fell back on the lazy excuse that it was once commonplace. And an apology without enlightenment is pretty useless.

Finally, as we mentioned Thursday, there’s Matt Lauer, who tweeted the classic non-apology to a former intern – “Always tried to be nice Mark. Sorry you didn’t think so” — and then ramped up the lame even further when the tweet disappeared altogether. Write this one down, halfhearted, reluctant apologizers everywhere: saying you’re “sorry” for how someone feels or thinks is saying you’re not at all sorry for how you behaved.

And yet, lest you think nobody knows how to own up to bad behavior, there have this week also been some fine examples of how to do it correctly. David Petraeus, the former head of the CIA/ladykiller appeared at a Los Angeles ROTC dinner and got the awkward part out of the way early. “I join you, keenly aware that I am regarded in a different light now than I was a year ago,” Petraeus said. “I am also keenly aware that the reason for my recent journey was my own doing. So please allow me to begin my remarks this evening by reiterating how deeply I regret — and apologize for — the circumstances that led to my resignation from the CIA and caused such pain for my family, friends and supporters.” Gosh, he makes it look so simple.

Petraeus wasn’t the only one who got it right. Trayvon Martin shooter George Zimmerman’s brother, Robert, issued a mea culpa after his racially incendiary tweets about the “lib media” and “black teens.” On Piers Morgan’s show, Zimmerman acknowledged “those were controversial and offensive” statements and “I did publicly apologize for them. I’m a human being. I’m being upfront about what I did. I made a mistake.” (Zimmerman is still however referring to Martin on Twitter as the person “who attacked my bro & nearly killed him,” so there’s more work to be done here.) And after CBS analyst Doug Gottlieb made a crack about offering the “white man’s perspective” while doing a pregame show with his four African-American co-hosts, Gottlieb issued a statement saying, “It was not a smart thing to say and I apologize.”

See? It’s not so hard. Acknowledgment of wrongdoing. Contrition. Maybe even a hint that you won’t screw up like that again. Everybody flubs it now and then. What matters, what goes a long way in putting the error in the rear-view mirror instead of the trunk with all the rest of the emotional baggage, is how you face up to it. Just say you’re sorry. Just say it like you mean it.

Mary Elizabeth Williams

Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedub. More Mary Elizabeth Williams.

You Might Also Like

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

7 motorist-friendly camping sites

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 9

Sponsored Post

  • White River National Forest via Lower Crystal Lake, Colorado
    For those OK with the mainstream, White River Forest welcomes more than 10 million visitors a year, making it the most-visited recreation forest in the nation. But don’t hate it for being beautiful; it’s got substance, too. The forest boasts 8 wilderness areas, 2,500 miles of trail, 1,900 miles of winding service system roads, and 12 ski resorts (should your snow shredders fit the trunk space). If ice isn’t your thing: take the tire-friendly Flat Tops Trail Scenic Byway — 82 miles connecting the towns of Meeker and Yampa, half of which is unpaved for you road rebels.
    fs.usda.gov/whiteriveryou


    Image credit: Getty

  • Chattahoochee-Oconee National Forest via Noontootla Creek, Georgia
    Boasting 10 wildernesses, 430 miles of trail and 1,367 miles of trout-filled stream, this Georgia forest is hailed as a camper’s paradise. Try driving the Ridge and Valley Scenic Byway, which saw Civil War battles fought. If the tall peaks make your engine tremble, opt for the relatively flat Oconee National Forest, which offers smaller hills and an easy trail to the ghost town of Scull Shoals. Scaredy-cats can opt for John’s Mountain Overlook, which leads to twin waterfalls for the sensitive sightseer in you.
    fs.usda.gov/conf


    Image credit: flickr/chattoconeenf

  • Nordhouse Dunes Wilderness Area via Green Road, Michigan
    The only national forest in Lower Michigan, the Huron-Mainstee spans nearly 1 million acres of public land. Outside the requisite lush habitat for fish and wildlife on display, the Nordhouse Dunes Wilderness Area is among the biggest hooks for visitors: offering beach camping with shores pounded by big, cerulean surf. Splash in some rum and you just might think you were in the Caribbean.
    fs.usda.gov/hmnf


    Image credit: umich.edu

  • Canaan Mountain via Backcountry Canaan Loop Road, West Virginia
    A favorite hailed by outdoorsman and author Johnny Molloy as some of the best high-country car camping sites anywhere in the country, you don’t have to go far to get away. Travel 20 miles west of Dolly Sods (among the busiest in the East) to find the Canaan Backcountry (for more quiet and peace). Those willing to leave the car for a bit and foot it would be remiss to neglect day-hiking the White Rim Rocks, Table Rock Overlook, or the rim at Blackwater River Gorge.
    fs.usda.gov/mnf


    Image credit: Getty

  • Mt. Rogers NRA via Hurricane Creek Road, North Carolina
    Most know it as the highest country they’ll see from North Carolina to New Hampshire. What they may not know? Car campers can get the same grand experience for less hassle. Drop the 50-pound backpacks and take the highway to the high country by stopping anywhere on the twisting (hence the name) Hurricane Road for access to a 15-mile loop that boasts the best of the grassy balds. It’s the road less travelled, and the high one, at that.
    fs.usda.gov/gwj


    Image credit: wikipedia.org

  • Long Key State Park via the Overseas Highway, Florida
    Hiking can get old; sometimes you’d rather paddle. For a weekend getaway of the coastal variety and quieter version of the Florida Keys that’s no less luxe, stick your head in the sand (and ocean, if snorkeling’s your thing) at any of Long Key’s 60 sites. Canoes and kayaks are aplenty, as are the hot showers and electric power source amenities. Think of it as the getaway from the typical getaway.
    floridastateparks.org/longkey/default.cfm


    Image credit: floridastateparks.org

  • Grand Canyon National Park via Crazy Jug Point, Arizona
    You didn’t think we’d neglect one of the world’s most famous national parks, did you? Nor would we dare lead you astray with one of the busiest parts of the park. With the Colorado River still within view of this cliff-edge site, Crazy Jug is a carside camper’s refuge from the troops of tourists. Find easy access to the Bill Hall Trail less than a mile from camp, and descend to get a peek at the volcanic Mt. Trumbull. (Fear not: It’s about as active as your typical lazy Sunday in front of the tube, if not more peaceful.)
    fs.usda.gov/kaibab


    Image credit: flickr/Irish Typepad

  • As the go-to (weekend) getaway car for fiscally conscious field trips with friends, the 2013 MINI Convertible is your campground racer of choice, allowing you and up to three of your co-pilots to take in all the beauty of nature high and low. And with a fuel efficiency that won’t leave you in the latter, you won’t have to worry about being left stranded (or awkwardly asking to go halfsies on gas expenses).


    Image credit: miniusa.com

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 9

Related Videos

Comments

 23 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: "The Joker": Laughing at life's deepest sorrows