Sperm donation for Us Weekly fans

A Los Angeles clinic lets you pick your donor based on his celebrity look-alike. Adrian Zmed, anyone?

By Mary Elizabeth Williams
July 30, 2009 9:31PM (UTC)
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We’ve all fantasized about doing it hot and dirty with a movie star. Perhaps we’ve even mentioned that we’d like to have Brad Pitt’s baby. But realistically, those of us who aren’t Angelina Jolie may need to set our sights a little lower. How about getting inseminated by a look-alike?

As dListed recently reported, a Los Angeles sperm bank is now letting potential customers pick donors based on the celebrities they resemble. It’s like starfucking without the fucking! Or the star!


The gambit seems to be working, or at least attracting curiosity -- the bank’s Scott Brown recently crowed that, "Look-a-Likes has only been available for a week and our Web site traffic is up 50 percent."

The company itself, California Cryobank , is an A-List resource for sperm-shoppers -- it's one of the oldest in the business and known as one of the most reliable. So it’s either a little charming or something of a comedown to see the company’s rather pell-mell donor list of men who allegedly resemble "actors, athletes, musicians, or anyone else famous enough to be found on the web." [emphasis added] Fortunately, there’s no Arthur Kade yet. Unfortunately for a company trying to get in the look-alike game, there’s neither an Elvis nor a Michael Jackson.

The list certainly speaks to the specificity of individual desires when crafting a potential child. While I might like to order a few cases of Gael García Bernal with a side of Paul Rudd, someone else may be perusing the internet right now hoping to breed with an Adrian Zmed or a “young” Leif Garrett. And it is that person’s lucky day. While CCB is upfront that "No celebrity is meant as an exact match for any donor, nor should you assume that your future children will look like any celebrity listed," it’s a safe bet that the company wouldn’t have begun categorizing its donors based on which Jonas brother they resemble if they weren’t offering the hope of a thickly eyebrowed outcome.


So if, in a few years, you’re hanging out at the playground with the other parents and find yourself marveling at little MacGyver’s resemblance to a certain fictional television action hero, consider that Mom might not have actually hooked up with Richard Dean Anderson. She may just have procured a handy impersonator.

Mary Elizabeth Williams

Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and author of "A Series of Catastrophes & Miracles."

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