You've no doubt spent countless hours pondering whether your labia are the right size. But are you sufficiently concerned that they're the right color? Fresh and pink as they used to be? Not to worry, because your lips are in good hands.
Now there's My New Pink Button – a dye for your ladyparts. "Designed by a female certified Paramedical Esthetician after she discovered her own genital color loss," the product comes in four tantalizing colors: Audry, Bettie, Ginger and Marilyn -- and will set you back $29.95. With the promise of "restoring sexual confidence to women everywhere!" My New Pink Button lasts 48-72 hours (or, in sex terms, one lost weekend) and is as "easy as 1-2-3!" to apply. Why should dolling up your vagina be just for your pubes?
The conceit of such an unusual product, combined with packaging that bears an uncanny resemblance to that of Benefit's more conventional wares, is enough to make us suspect an elaborate prank. Labia dye? Seriously? I can barely maintain the hair on my head. Yet genital discoloration is a real thing -- and a source of concern for some women. And the Button company itself seems to be legit, though founder Karan Mari does undercut her credibility by enthusiastically giving her own product five stars on Amazon, along with the review: "Great Item!!! What will they think of next!!! I want to try a darker color next time, I think that would be fun! " I don’t know, Karan, why don't you tell us what they'll think of next, what with "they" being you?
I'm all for whatever makes a woman feel good about those body parts that can bring so much happiness to herself and others. If rubbing a little Marilyn down there does the job, have at it. But I'd be skeptical of a product whose chief endorsement comes from its own creator, and, at almost $30 a pop, I might just prefer to dab on a little Revlon Colorstay and call it a night.