Politics
Long hair: The final political frontier
We'll accept presidential candidates who have cheated on their wives or smoked marijuana. But a funky 'do? No way
(Credit: AP/Salon) “I look down to see the people that are governing me and making my rules — and they haven’t got any hair on their head. I get very uptight about it.” —Bob Dylan, 1963
“Don’t touch the hair!” —Mitt Romney, 2008
The phrase “presidential hair” has probably never been used more than in the run-up to the 2012 presidential election, where in the Republican primaries, Mitt Romney and his rivals, vanquished or still in the race, are bristling with intent. The phrase refers to a (presumably male) haircut that looks as though it’s been pasted onto the candidate’s head and groomed extensively. It’s clippered and blowdried — buzzin’ and behavin’.
Serious commentators are right to balk at the notion of judging candidates by their appearance. It diverts attention from the candidate’s ideas and policies, the stuff that actually matters. But hair is sometimes more than a matter of dumb fashion, as the sociologist Anthony Synnott writes: “The debate over hair symbolism is both ancient and complex, and applies not only to gender but also to politics.”
So now that it’s one of the criteria for selecting a candidate to run for president of the United States, it’s time we discussed hair, and the lack of it on our politicians’ heads.
There are plenty of minorities still woefully under-represented in politics, but none more so than men who choose to wear their hair long or funky. The fact that men with follicular abundance don’t have anyone to represent them in government, or even reading the news on TV, is hardly a civil rights issue. But like gay men often have before them, intelligent men who wish to wear a long or funky hairstyle sometimes have to sacrifice an important part of their identity to be taken seriously in establishment circles.
Hair style and dress sense are the only issues where politicians present a narrower range of options for voters than policies. Their political conservatism is reflected, and possibly shaped by, their follicular safeness. If you like, you can research this yourself. But you will find, after inspecting candidates’ heads at the local, state and federal level, there are very few afros, perms, ducktails, beehives, streaks, mop-tops, hi-top fades, curtains, asymmetrical fringes, Mohicans, pony-tails, dreadlocks, cornrows, Jheri curls, devilocks, liberty spikes, rat tails, bowl-cuts, under-cuts or mullets.
If you are one of the thousands or millions of men with one of these things on your head, voting can be a lonely and frustrating process.
Today’s politicians don’t actually have a thing against long hair per se, since a lot of them are deserters from the long-haired community. Look at old pictures of Barack Obama with an afro, Bill Clinton’s shaggy mop and Tony Blair in his Mick Jagger phase. But they visited the barber before they ran for office because politics is an annex of the banking, legal, military and other notoriously short-haired professions.
The political establishment and its associated industries simply use a candidate’s appearance as a means of weeding out people who don’t act in their interests. So we end up with phrases like “presidential hair,” which means, on a more subtextual level, that the man underneath it won’t be out of place pressing flesh at a Wall Street dinner or engaging in bonhomie with military personnel. In short, these industries want to make sure the candidate is one of their guys, and in their antiquated world of alpha masculinity, something approaching a buzz cut is essential. Considering their election campaigns — especially the fundraising part — are essentially a series of job interviews with a panel of generals, bankers and super-rich lawyers, it’s not surprising that candidates scissor themselves as soon as their name gets near a ballot paper.
Of course, upper-class American hair culture is based on a misconception: that long hair is an indicator of liberalism, radicalism and bad personal hygiene, mostly because of its association with various subcultures like the hippies and punks. And that’s the reason you don’t see many GOP candidates with brightly colored wood-glued Mohicans. Those guys are the enemy — unpatriotic, anarchists, socialists. But even the supposed liberals and radicals in politics play it safe, probably because they’re scared of being called out as a stoned slacker by Bill O’Reilly. So if you line the likes of Dennis Kucinich and (to a slightly lesser extent) Bernie Sanders up against the far-right conservatives, it looks like they all went to the same barber.
This saddens me. But long-haired liberals aren’t the only ones who should be interested in fighting against the homogeneity of mainstream hair culture, because it’s also possible to be a misguided right-wing zealot with any hair style whatsoever. Ask Johnny Ramone, a lifelong conservative who thanked George W. Bush for his presidency when he was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Just as his politics never mellowed, neither did his hair. And to think that it wasn’t his ludicrous perspective on the world that kept Johnny Ramone from being a presidential contender, but his leather jacket and heroin mullet — Republicans today, who have to choose between Romney and a bunch of identical crackpots in suits, must be furious. Forget Ron Paul — Johnny Ramone would have been the real anti-Washington candidate.
One annoyance for long-hairs is that when we do see a variation from the comb over or baldness on a politician nowadays — and it’s only ever a slight variation — it tends to indicate that the guy wearing it has done something seriously unethical while in office. The guy with the most flamboyant bouffant seen in some time, former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, is serving 14 years in jail for corruption. In my native U.K., the politicians with the longest hair, London mayor Boris Johnson and Mike Hancock (a member of Parliament), are both serial adulterers. But the few slightly long-haired politicians out there are no less trustworthy than your average hair-off-the-collar public official, who will, on average, embezzle and screw around just as much as Blagojevich, Hancock and Johnson. The combined hair lengths of regular trimmers like Richard Nixon, Strom Thurmond and Newt Gingrich — embezzlers, love rats and hypocrites of an epic scale — is enough to dismiss the argument that only long hair indicates an unsuitability for serving one’s country.
The idea that voters won’t go for a long-haired candidate is untested and in all likelihood false. The electorate certainly wouldn’t disapprove of a long-haired legislature any more than it does of the current bunch of knuckle-heads. It would be almost impossible, unless we came up with a way of calculating negative approval ratings. Public support for Congress couldn’t get much lower, even if Rasputin was installed as speaker of the House. As Mike Huckabee puts it: Congress is polling “just barely above a pedophile.”
Since 2008, a key source of disapproval has become politicians’ links to big business and their support for foreign wars. Even Newt Gingrich has jumped on the anti-Wall Street bandwagon to attack Mitt Romney’s past as a vulture capitalist. Politicians on both sides of the aisle are throwing themselves away from Wall Street (publicly at least) like it’s an exploding bomb. Yet, one of the reasons people don’t believe guys like Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich or Barack Obama when they say they’re not stooges for Wall Street or the military industrial complex (besides the fact that we all know they are) is because they look so at home there. Their thousand-dollar suits and bi-weekly visits to the barber mean voters don’t have to have such wild imaginations to envisage any of the contenders for president buddying up with Stanley McChrystal and Lloyd Blankfein in an after-hours poker game — gambling away the country’s economy in unnecessary military spending, corporate tax breaks and bank bailouts.
If political candidates — Democrat or Republican — want to distance themselves from these industries, they could start by ditching the uniform. Turning up to a fundraiser with a Roddy Piper-style perma-mullet would erase the conundrum of having to take all that Wall Street cash, since there won’t be as much of it on offer.
Wolf Blitzer writes perfect political blog post
CNN anchor predicts election will involve lots of disagreements and possibly impolite exchanges of words
Developing at this hour, reports of nastiness (Credit: CNN) You know that computer program that automatically generates baseball game reports based on box scores? Wolf Blitzer is like an extremely primitive and unsophisticated version of that, for political news. (Or “news.”) Today, the CNN anchor takes to “Blitzer’s Blog” to report that the 2012 election campaign has been very intense. He also predicts that it will get more intense later, when it gets closer to the general election.
Continue Reading Close
Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at apareene@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @pareene More Alex Pareene.
The right’s Shepard Fairey
Jon McNaughton's painting of Obama trampling the Constitution has made him conservatives' favorite new artist
For many progressives, Shepard Fairey’s HOPE poster now evokes the same riot of emotions that comes from picking through photos of a friend taken before an epic falling-out or of parents before a divorce: regret, anger, queasy self-consciousness, a stray pang of old joy.
But, in its day, the tricolor masterpiece of Barack Obama did its work magnificently. Fairey’s genius innovation was to flavor hearty, comfort-food nationalism with a bright dash of counterculture. His aesthetic, a May-December marriage of social realism and post-millennial stencil graffiti, borrowed from the protest art of two generations. In cribbing the signifiers of rebellion, the screen-painted image exalted a simple wish for a better tomorrow to the level of a radical act — all while making the slyest wink at the inescapable ridiculousness of campaign posters. And, of course, in Obama’s abstract, almost Fauvist face, progressives saw not just their candidate, but themselves: youthful, noble, sophisticated, iconoclastic and superlatively patriotic. The man was modern.
Continue Reading CloseIn defense of flip-flopping
Politicians who change their positions make U.S. democracy work
It's good for democracy (Credit: iStockphoto/jacomstephens) “Flip-flopper” is the accusation du jour in American politics. Critics attack President Obama for flip-flopping on the Patriot Act, Guantanamo and a single-payer healthcare system. Mitt Romney is bludgeoned for his changing positions on healthcare, abortion, immigration and gay rights. In these attacks, the failure of leaders to stick to their proverbial guns is cast as a symbol of America’s cultural and political decline, raising calls for third-party candidates boasting ideological purity.
Continue Reading CloseAdrian Bejan, J.A. Jones Distinguished Professor of Mechanical Engineering at Duke University, and J. Peder Zane, Assistant Professor Journalism at St. Augustine’s College, are the authors of “Design in Nature: How the Constructal Law Governs Evolution in Biology, Physics, Technology, and Social Organization,” which Doubleday is publishing this month. More Adrian Bejan and J. Peder Zane.
Did Chris Christie make a crude, sexist joke?
With Mitt Romney beside him, the New Jersey governor responds to women hecklers with an apparent oral sex reference VIDEO
While stumping for Mitt Romney on Sunday night, Chris Christie made what some have interpreted as a blow-job joke. A couple of female hecklers in the crowd shouted something about jobs “going down” and Christie responded, “You know, something may be going down tonight, but it ain’t going to be jobs, sweetheart” (the video is below).
His body language, tone and diminishing use of “sweetheart” — not to mention the “oooh” of the crowd — made me hear it as a blow-job joke, but I didn’t exactly trust my interpretation, seeing I hear sexual double-entendres everywhere. Some cleaner-minded commentators have picked up on it too, though: XX Factor’s Torie Bosch called it an “oral sex joke” that was “flagrantly demeaning, even misogynistic.” Slate’s David Weigel, who was present at the event, writes, “I can honestly say that the fellatial joke didn’t occur to me at all … it sounded like the ‘something’ was just the Occupy movement, as in ‘you’re gonna go down.’” In this case, it seems hindsight was … X-rated: Weigel ends his blog post with, “But now that I think about it … .”
Continue Reading Close
Tracy Clark-Flory is a staff writer at Salon. Follow @tracyclarkflory on Twitter. More Tracy Clark-Flory.
The many fictions of Huckabee’s abortion forum
Gingrich, Perry, Bachmann and Santorum genuflect to Iowa values voters -- and the former Arkansas governor
Former governor of Arkansas, Michael Huckabee (Credit: AP/Keith Srakocic) Yes, there was another Republican presidential forum in Iowa last night, an opportunity for four candidates to outdo each other as saviors of babies and makers of elaborate promises about overturning Roe v. Wade.
The Family Leader, whose leader Bob Vander Plaats spoke at the event, already had its own “social issues” forum a few weeks ago. And before that, there was plenty of anti-choice red meat at Sen. Jim DeMint’s, R-S.C., forum. But none of that abundant genuflecting to values voters sufficed — it wasn’t enough to erase the massive sense of grievance the candidates were clearly trying to mobilize.
Continue Reading Close
Irin Carmon is a staff writer for Salon. Follow her on Twitter at @irincarmon or email her at icarmon@salon.com. More Irin Carmon.
Page 1 of 2 in Politics