Katy Perry shows what not to do when a friend is accused of abuse

As one of the most successful musical artists of all time, Katy Perry can do pretty much whatever she wants. She's had nine number-one hits and sold millions of albums worldwide. She has gone into outer space for the length of time it takes to microwave a potato. She has launched a world tour with some of the most questionable choreography outside of a middle school production of "A Chorus Line." But the most puzzling of all her recent attempts at relevance has got to be her continued loyalty to the producer and songwriter known as Dr. Luke. The man Kesha sued over a decade ago for sexual assault and battery co-wrote and co-produced ten out of the eleven tracks on Perry’s last album, "143." And while the collaboration has been widely panned both creatively and ethically, it does raise a question that there is very little clear guidance on — what should a person do when an associate, friend, or loved one has been accused of abuse? 

I have a degree in conflict resolution, and I'm regularly frustrated by how underexplored this dilemma is. It's unfortunate because so many of us have faced this same sticky ethical dilemma and not known what to do. Of course, how we might react to the information that someone we know has been accused of misconduct depends, among other factors, on the closeness of the relationship and the seriousness of the accusation. But the confusing and conflicting pulls of loyalty and shock are formidable, and people in the orbit of an accused individual need guidance.

Among the few spaces where this issue is at least being addressed with any seriousness is at the college and university level, where the discourse around sexual assault is necessarily robust. Stanford's tips for "supporting a friend who's caused harm" are fairly typical of higher ed's sage yet butt-coveringly neutral advice: "Being a friend does not mean approving of all your friend's actions and/or choices." And the University of Aurora offers the simple yet clear assurance that "You can reaffirm and state your values that sexual misconduct is not okay while also not accusing your friend of something you may not have all the information on."

But what does one do when her friend has been the driving force behind her whole career? Name any of Katy Perry's biggest hits, and the odds are high that Dr. Luke had a hand in it. "I Kissed a Girl," "California Gurls," "E.T.," "Dark Horse," "Roar" and "Teenage Dream" are just a few of the singles he co-wrote and co-produced with her. And in an alternate, unproblematic timeline, Perry's choice to work with him would be a no-brainer. Tellingly, he was not involved in the last two disappointing albums, both of which came out in the midst of the Kesha lawsuits. But he's all over her latest and least commercially successful venture, and she named her whole "Lifetimes" tour after a track from it. 

If Perry, in her moments when she is lamenting that her critics have made her into "a human piñata," would like to explore why that might be, I would recommend she read Difficult Conversations, a classic of its kind by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project. I've long relied on it in my academic work because it recognizes the constructive value of facing the things that make us uncomfortable and offers practical advice on how to negotiate first with our own feelings. That means checking our perceptions and assumptions about the people we know. They also advocate for the power of reality checks, advising to "Reach out to others. Share your concerns. Ask for candid reactions."

It's not easy work. It's understandable that when you trust and care about a person, information that conflicts with those feelings creates distress. And these things are complicated — Lily Rose Depp has gracefully distanced herself publicly from Amber Heard's abuse accusations against her father, Johnny Depp, calling the matter "private and personal."

(L-R) ASCAP Senior Director of Creative Affairs and Membership of Rhythm and Soul, Jay Sloan, songwriter Lukasz "Dr. Luke" Gottwald and musician Katy Perry onstage at the 27th Annual ASCAP Pop Music Awards on April 21, 2010, in Hollywood, California. (Lester Cohen/WireImage)But Katy Perry, who was once married to accused rapist Russell Brand, has had over ten years to sort this out. And she can't have been surprised that co-writing a song called "Woman's World" with Dr. Luke would not be a good look. On an episode of "Call Her Daddy" last year, she tossed some word salad to explain that he “was one of many collaborators that I collaborated with . . . to help "facilitate” her "metamorphosis." That's a dodge that seems to want to have it both ways, neither denying the association nor standing firmly behind it. If you believe one of your many collaborators that you collaborate with isn't an abuser, why not just say so?

This isn't just about Perry, though. When we look at other public figures with close ties to accused abusers, we can see a gamut of responses. In 2023, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher wrote letters supporting their former co-star, convicted rapist Danny Matherson, to the judge in his case. And a recent Hollywood Reporter profile of Jonathan Majors — who's been convicted of assault and harassment — included praise from Michael B. Jordan, who said he'd "love" to work with him again, and Matthew McConaughey, who said, "I believe in him.” 

But after James Franco was accused of sexual misconduct by multiple former acting students, his longtime friend and collaborator, Seth Rogen, eventually distanced himself from their relationship. Tori Amos has likewise had to do the same, describing the sexual abuse allegations against her friend Neil Gaiman as "heartbreaking." 

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But one of the best examples of handling something like this well is from "Better Things" creator Pamela Adlon. After Louis CK was accused of sexually inappropriate behavior, his former friend and co-star publicly took four very thoughtful steps. She expressed her empathy with the women who had come forward, admitted her shock and grief, asked for privacy while she processed the experience and eventually was able to acknowledge she was still proud of some of the work they did together. That's a nuanced, honest and ethical response. Perry could have done any of those things. Nobody's asked her to disavow "Hot N Cold," just to have made more sensitive choices about her current "love frequency"-driven incarnation.

Dr Luke, by the way, is doing fine with or without Katy Perry’s help. He and Kesha settled their lawsuits in 2023. He currently works with artists like Doja Cat, and in 2022, he was nominated for three Grammys. But both Kelly Clarkson and Pink, who've had huge hits with him, have used the phrase "not a good person" to describe him.

In "Difficult Conversations," the authors advise to "be careful about rewarding bad behavior" — including ignoring it. We can hold seemingly opposing emotions at the same time. We can care about people who've been accused of bad things, appreciate the work they've done and wrestle with the professional and personal stakes of our relationships with them. That takes being clear on what our values are, and examining who we choose to listen to, and why. Katy Perry recently posted on Instagram that "I have done a lot of work around knowing who I am, what is real and what is important to me.” But if she can go all the way into space and still not see the big picture here, it's doubtful she ever will.