Turns out, the Pentagon food court could rival a suburban mall — or a small college campus. On this week’s “Have I Got News For You,” host Roy Wood Jr. and his panel were stunned to learn that the Pentagon might actually be … kind of cool?
Picture this: Panda Express, Jamba Juice and a combo Dunkin’-Baskin Robbins all within eyesight of one another — a food-court fever dream ripped straight from a 2003 mall directory. “I always thought of the Pentagon as somewhere I don’t want to go,” said panelist Amber Ruffin. “That s*** sounds great!”
If you have high enough security clearance, you too can relive the glory days of the early 2000s — skipping down fluorescent-lit corridors with your BFF. Only instead of the local mall, it’s one of the most secure buildings on Earth. The Pentagon’s culinary lineup also includes McDonald’s, Five Guys, Potbelly, Subway, Panera, Popeyes and Starbucks (plus a CVS, florist, jeweler and dry cleaner for good measure).
“That’s why the generals are fat!” joked Wood Jr., referencing Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s September speech in which he railed against “fat generals.”
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When Wood Jr. teased the panel to guess which restaurant was listed as “opening soon,” Ruffin didn’t miss a beat: “How? Everything is already in there!”
The real answer floored them — Planet Hollywood. Once a neon-soaked staple of 1990s travel culture, only two locations remain: Times Square and Disney World. Now, improbably, you can add the Pentagon to that list.
