Photography
Hot, naked and pregnant
How a nude photo shoot at nine months changed the way I see my own body -- and my role as a "mommy"
(Credit: Loskutnikov via Shutterstock) I’m standing in front of my house in a light rain, in the altogether, eight-and-a-half months pregnant, while a photographer snaps photos. I’m tucked into the hedge, hoping the neighbors don’t have a view from their windows. I’ve never been so happy to be naked.
A year earlier, I had tumbled into a mid-life crisis. I had one child who was nearly three, and my husband and I were planning for a second. This had always been our intention, and I approached this second foray without much anxiety. But when my younger sister called to tell me she and her boyfriend were going to London, something inside my head was knocked loose. “Damn,” I thought. “I’m going to be a MOMMY.”
Yes, I know what you’re thinking: You’ve been a mommy for three years. Get over it.
But it wasn’t the prospect of becoming a parent that freaked me out. I loved my little boy and wanted to add another goofball to the family. What threw me into a tizzy was the prospect of being a mommy and all the cultural baggage that came along with it. With one child, you could be that interesting woman with the cute kid who still retained a modicum of cool. But the second child would define you. This is faulty logic, I know, but I believed it nonetheless: A mommy is invisible. A mommy has bad jeans and a minivan. Twenty-five-year-old boys would never check me out. I would never take off to London on a whim.
Our culture certainly didn’t help these insecurities. “Mommy” is used to denigrate female parents. Professional women planning to have children are on the “Mommy track.” When we write about our experiences, we are “Mommy bloggers.” When we differ about parenting, we engage in “Mommy wars.” When we get into a little erotica, it becomes “Mommy porn.” Once identified as a “mommy,” we’re identified as little else.
No matter that I was never that cool or adventurous in the first place. I was the high school valedictorian, the Goody Two-Shoes. I’d had two boyfriends and married one of them. I always win “I’ve Never” because, really, I’ve never. But now I had no chance to be cool. Any possibility was off the table. I considered getting a tattoo or tarting up my wardrobe, but then I realized that doing these things to avoid being a mommy cliché was a cliché in and of itself.
Eventually, I realized I needed to get over myself. The demands of parenting a small child did not leave time to wallow, and at lucid moments I recognized that I would not have young kids forever. I would be able to go to London someday, and I didn’t have to drive a minivan. But my mommy fears still nagged.
A year later — pregnant as can be and irreversibly a mommy — I learned that a favorite local photographer was looking for models for a project on pregnant women. It was an appealing proposition, but there was a catch: She wanted nudes. I dismissed the idea; I couldn’t do a nude photo shoot. But I also realized I did not want to be the type of person who would say no to this.
This is how I found myself in my yard in the nude. I had spent an hour posing with my clothes on — the black bike shorts and black tank that had become my uniform in those sweltering final weeks. The photographer, Ellen, posed shots of me contemplating my belly on the back deck, family portraits in front of a nearby dilapidated barn, and shots of my boy and me frolicking in the neighboring cemetery. We chatted while she clicked away: about pregnancy, our kids, our town, and her work, and I tried not to think about where this was leading.
Eventually it started to rain and we ducked into the front yard, sheltered by a tall hedge. I ignored my misgivings, summoned a little confidence, and shed my clothes.
All along, I hadn’t been sure I could strip. I may not be the person so neurotic she changes in the bathroom at the gym, but I’m also not the woman who wanders around the locker room stark naked. I’ve often struggled with my weight, and I fight the urge to hide my body: too much belly, too much breast, flab and curves where I don’t want them.
But pregnancy gave me a freedom with my body that I didn’t have before and haven’t had since. At nearly nine months, my body was supposed to look like this. I was supposed to have an enormous belly, giant breasts, and a little something extra in the back. I could have done without the tree-trunk thighs, but I could live with those, too. Much to my surprise, revealing this body felt fine. So did the rain on my skin — it was awfully hot being pregnant in June.
Once Ellen began shooting, I adopted a strategy of “don’t look down.” It was best to ignore the absurdity of standing in our tiny front yard, separated from the sidewalk and street by only a hedge. As the shoot progressed, I felt an amazement that I could do this, that I was doing this. I can still see it in the small, pleased smile I’m wearing in the photos. It is equal parts relief, surprise and satisfaction.
Looking at the photos now, years later, I feel a bittersweet pang for those last few days when we were just three, before we became something new. I’m gobsmacked not only by the size of my belly and breasts but also by my nerve.
Later that day, after Ellen left and I had dressed, my husband observed, “Now you’ll never have to get a tattoo.” I’m grateful for that. And I’m grateful that the postman didn’t choose that moment to deliver the mail.
Megan Rubiner Zinn lives in Western Massachusetts with her husband and two sons. Her work has appeared in Jezebel, the Daily Hampshire Gazette (Northampton, MA), VisualThesauraus, and her blog, life in the little city. More Megan Rubiner Zinn.
Chasing the Chinese-American dream
A new show seeks to understand the Chinese-American experience through professional and amateur photography SLIDE SHOW
For the photographers — professional, amateur, and (in some cases) completely unknown — whose work appears in the upcoming show “America Through a Chinese Lens,” cameras serve as more than just artistic tools. They are extensions of the senses, capturing observations about the Chinese-American experience, from the nuanced and deliberate to the candid and offhand.
The show uses 20th- and 21st-century photographs to examine the experiences and preoccupations of Chinese people living in the U.S. — visitors, immigrants and residents with multigenerational roots.
Continue Reading CloseEmma Mustich is a Salon contributor. Follow her on Twitter: @emustich. More Emma Mustich.
Vermont’s “inverted skyscrapers” — and their architects
A new exhibition highlights Edward Burtynsky's otherworldly photographs of granite and marble quarries in Vermont SLIDE SHOW
Detail from Edward Burtynsky's "Rock of Ages #4, Abandoned Section, Adam-Pirie Quarry, Barre, Vermont, 1991." (See slide show for the complete photograph.) Digital chromogenic color print. (Credit: Photograph courtesy Howard Greenberg & Bryce Wolkowitz, New York / Nicholas Metivier, Toronto.) In the early 1990s, photographer Edward Burtynsky dreamed of finding “the reverse of a skyscraper” — the negative space he assumed might be left behind when materials for major architectural works were harvested. In Vermont, he captured dramatic — even “otherworldly” — scenes from granite and marble quarries once worked by a dynamic community of Italian immigrants who carved a lasting social and cultural niche.
A number of Burtynsky’s images will be exhibited and contextualized in a show set to open at Dartmouth College’s Hood Museum of Art next month.
Continue Reading CloseEmma Mustich is a Salon contributor. Follow her on Twitter: @emustich. More Emma Mustich.
In pictures: Irish emigrants’ haunting homes
For St. Patrick's Day, a look at David Creedon photos of homes abandoned by Irish citizens who sought a better life SLIDE SHOW
The kitchen of an abandoned house in west Cork, from David Creedon's "Ghosts of the Faithful Departed."(Credit: David Creedon) David Creedon’s haunting photographs of abandoned Irish emigrants’ homes — collected in the book “Ghosts of the Faithful Departed” (released in the U.S. this week by Dufour Editions) — are all the more ghostly for their lively colors and poignant period props.
Continue Reading CloseEmma Mustich is a Salon contributor. Follow her on Twitter: @emustich. More Emma Mustich.
Celebrity portraits from New York’s first tabloid
In the '30s and '40s, New York Daily News photographer Harry Warnecke captured stars in living color SLIDE SHOW
Harry Warnecke and Gus Schoenbaechler, "Louis Armstrong," 1947.(Credit: National Portrait Gallery, Smithsonian Institution; gift of Elsie M. Warnecke © 2012 Daily News, LP (New York Daily News)) Open almost any newspaper this weekend, and you’ll be confronted with color pictures of the stars who dominate 2012′s cultural scene. In the 1930s and ’40s, however, most readers didn’t have the luxury of full-color photography — so New York Daily News photographer Harry Warnecke’s incredible tri-color carbro magazine images stood out like postcards from the technicolor world of Oz.
Over the course of his long career at Gotham’s first tabloid, Warnecke (and his assistants) captured portraits of everyone from Louis Armstrong and Orson Welles to Dwight D. Eisenhower; 24 of these images, now part of the permanent collection at the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, D.C., will be exhibited in a show set to open next week.
Continue Reading CloseEmma Mustich is a Salon contributor. Follow her on Twitter: @emustich. More Emma Mustich.
The eerie photographs of a famed painter
A fascinating new exhibit explores a curiously unexamined aspect of Lyonel Feininger's work
(Credit: Artists Rights Society, New York / VG Bild-Kunst, Bonn.) 
Bauhaus, March 26, 1929. Gelatin silver print, 7 1/16 x 5 5/8 in. Credit: Bauhaus-Archiv Berlin. © Artists Rights Society, New York / VG Bild-Kunst, Bonn.
Hitler declared his paintings degenerate. Of course, Lyonel Feininger was actually one of the 20th century’s most important American avant-garde artists: at various times a Cubist, Expressionist and Secessionist. He’s also well known as one of the Bauhaus’s original faculty, and was even a distinguished newspaper comic strip artist. But a photographer? Really?
Page 1 of 2 in Photography




Although Feininger retained the title of Bauhaus Master after the school moved from Weimar to Dessau, he no longer taught or was connected with any of the school’s workshops. These photographs were made after Gropius’ departure in 1928, and might also be seen as a meditation on the architect’s utopian aspirations for the school and the building that symbolized them – perhaps a kind of coda to the woodcut of a cathedral that Feininger made in 1919 to illustrate the Bauhaus manifesto.

